I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
