My nipple is on Facebook.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
