would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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