Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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