man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
