yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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