Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize