I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
