Need sex. Gaining weight.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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