this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize