he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
