You smell like stripper and shame
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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