shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it's like iHOP with fire
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
