carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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