I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
