I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
