my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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