omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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