the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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