Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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