Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
