I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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