i need an iv and a liver transplant
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
