Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You can't motorboat a personality
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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