Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
