They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
