I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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