I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
