I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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