I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
