My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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