GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
