wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
