evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
