I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
