I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize