we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He did a backflip because drugs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize