I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
