and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
