Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
