If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
