God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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