Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
