i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
