You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
