If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
sarcasm needs its own font
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
