just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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