apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
