Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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