Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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