Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize