i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
