A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
