ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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