lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
