my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
