Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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