the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
