I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
