I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
