i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize