So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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