Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
id be glad to
he thought i was a dude.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
