Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
