Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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