If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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