I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
