you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
