just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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