I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Vodka?
Forever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
