I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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