you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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