i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
