I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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