Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
