How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
