Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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