She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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