He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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