i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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