Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
