woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
