my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Found your dick twin last night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize