I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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