Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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