Your dad touched me again.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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