yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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