woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
