My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
