It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
