you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
