Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
