...so i touched it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
