did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
