Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
