Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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