Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
