he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No stitches, just platelets and will power
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
