if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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