we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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