Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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