If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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