i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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