billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
