Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
