Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
