he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize