My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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