She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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