i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
