I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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