i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
