If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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