I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
two words...techno handjob
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize