I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
