Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
