There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
